I'm so excited....
Are you excited? It’s the question we all ask when someone is heading into something new. It’s a question I’ve asked other’s as they are at crossroads in life…
It’s the question that I have struggled with the most in the last two weeks.
Many of you reading this have asked me that exact questions. So… Are you excited? And while I’ve tried to answer you honestly without being the Debbie Downer that answers with a NO, it’s a question that I have struggled to articulate my thoughts and feelings regarding. I know. I know. Right now many of you are thinking… “Oh crap. I asked that question.” :) Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate you asking me. I appreciate you caring. And while I cringe at the question, with every one of you who have asked me it, you’ve helped me think through everything going on in my head. (feel free to insert some crazy girl joke here... I teed that one up for you to hit out of the ballpark quite nicely)
Are you excited?
I’m not this ‘love the unknown’, ‘what’s the next adventure’, ‘bring it’ type person.
I like knowing what to expect. I like being able to plan. I like what I know.
Are you excited?
So when asked if I’m excited…. Well I don’t know if excited is the word I would use right now. I would have been excited if all of my piles to pack would have magically fit into my suitcase and weighed under 50 pounds each. Now that would have been exciting.
I would be excited if I knew what comes next in this thing called life. What happens after Haiti? What am I supposed to do? A big flashing arrow that says “DO THIS”. Now that would be exciting.
Right now. I’m nervous: I don’t know what to expect. I’m scared: Change is hard. I’m sad: I won’t get to see those closest to me for the next four months. I’m overwhelmed. And I hate that it’s going to be 100 degrees and I have to wear clothes that come to my knees… You Bermuda shorts lovers would be proud of my collection now.
Are you excited?
I’m not excited, but I am thankful. Even with all of those emotions and all those struggles… I am thankful. Do you ever notice that right before a season of change you get incredibly reflective over everything that has happened to lead you to that one moment? 6 months ago the same emotions mentioned above were in play as I quit my job. At that moment I didn’t know what was going to happen or what God was doing at my life. Now I can see exactly how he worked in the last 6 months to lead me to this point. And that right now I am exactly where He wants me to be.
I am thankful because even as I stand on this cliff where I can’t really see what’s next I have the ability to turn around and look back at the landscape that is my life and see how God has shaped every step that I take. Even when those steps require a not so gently shove.
I am thankful I serve a God who even when I don’t know what’s next: He does. When I’m anxious or nervous or afraid: He’s there. When I’m sad: I can still have joy because of Him. And when I’m alone: I have an iphone to Facetime on. (and wifi.. I'm very thankful for wifi) :) I am thankful that 4 months from now as I’m on the cliff of whatever comes next in life, I’ll be able to look back and see all of this as a landscape of just how God worked in my life and in the lives of those around me.
Now that’s exciting.
Full Circle and done!
Well except for this. It wouldn't be a blog about excitement if we didn't throw in this gem….
For all those out there that grew up on Saved by the Bell… You're welcome.