Soooo... I Got Married.
I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now.
On January 29th of this year, I sent my mom a link to the above two signs and the following text.
I have something I need you to order for me. I need you to just hold onto them. You’ll know when to give them to me.
At the time...
I was deep in the pit. I was struggling. And I was praying for some big things.
The message, however, went through as a text instead of an imessage... And my mom never replied to me. I remember so badly wanting to ask her if she ordered them but just felt so defeated. That text just seemed to sum up life at the moment. It seemed as if nothing could go my way. And so I never mentioned it and I had no idea if she ever got that text or if those signs ever got ordered.
Until last week.
Last week a man called my parents and asked for their permission to marry me. And my mom informed me that she had some signs for me.
I know.... I know....
The last you knew the struggle was real, I had broken up with a guy, I was single, I sold my house, I was living on a farm, I was trying so hard just to make sense of life.
I was a hot mess.
But in that hot mess I was forced to work through so many things.
So. Many. Things.
I worked through the whole “Is God good thing?” (if you missed it, here it is... https://www.stephanieblack.me/post/is-god-really-good)
Spoiler alert... He is. I was unfortunately basing his goodness on my situation and not his character.
I worked through the trust thing. The doubt thing. The prayer thing. The control thing. The letting go thing. The even if things don't go my way thing. The anxiety thing. And the faith thing... And slowly I began to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Sidenote: Let's pause here to take a moment to get a little sappy. I am so very thankful for the people who loved me through this. So many of you came alongside me, prayed for me, listened to me and helped me in more ways that you will probably ever know.
So back to that man...
Well... first... back to that faith thing.
In January of 2020, I started keeping a prayer journal. Journaling wasn’t something I had ever done on a regular basis. I’ve always enjoyed writing. I’ve always been good at articulating my thoughts on paper. On and off over the years I would journal but never with any regularity. But in January of 2020, I started religiously writing and journaling my thoughts and prayers. And as the year went on my life got crazier and crazier. But you know what? The world got crazier and crazier too...
Soooo… I had that going for me.
I have to stop and laugh out loud a little. In January of 2020 none of us knew what was about to happen. Life was so simple back then. Literally my biggest struggle in life was this man I liked. The world was still functioning, I had a house that I was good with being in, I had a job that was totally normal, I had friends that I could see all the time, I could go places, I could sit in a coffee shop with my computer or with a friend and have coffee, masks weren’t a thing, and vaccinations didn’t dividing the world.
Life was good, you guys!
I look back and I have this moment of awe, I miss that naïve 30 something hopeful girl I was back in January of 2020. Where did she go?
Covid happened, friendships and relationships changed, I sold my house, I was ready to be done with my job, I broke up with a boy, I suffered through anxiety, I struggled with faith, and I had no idea what life looked like next. I cried… a lot.
I don’t know any other way to describe it than the Lord allowed everything to be stripped away from me. And in that pit that I ended up in, He forced me to give up the control that I so like, the structure that I crave, and the plans that I neatly put into place. To be quite honest it felt like God was mean and that He had forgotten me. But the reality is the Lord brought me to a place where the only option left was Him. And for 6 months I searched hard. I wrestled through things I have never questioned before, I doubted, I begged God to show himself and I prayed for some big things… Ultimately I had to learn to completely trust Him.
And during that time... I kept waiting for the Lord to show me what is next. I knew I was ready to be done with my job but I had no idea what was next. And so I kept praying and waiting. And I waited… And waited… And waited.
At the beginning of May I had a conversation with a friend that went something along the lines of... “I think I’m just supposed to take a step of faith and resign and just trust that the lord is going to show me.”
I was terrified.
And the next day I resigned.
And that night after 7 months after our last conversation the man that I had spent the last two years faithfully praying for called me....
And this past weekend.. I got to marry this man. With his parent, my parents and his 9 year old daughter there, I got to say 'I do' to this man that I love.
God is good friends. Not because of my circumstance or situation. But because that is his character and in his goodness he allows us to experience hard things. He allows hurt and suffering. He allows pain and brokenness. Not because he’s mean or has forgotten us. And not to punish us… but because he sees the big picture. He knows what’s best for us. He knows what it takes to get our attention, to help us grow, to change us, and to bring us to where we need to be.
He is indeed working all things together for good for those who love him. We get glimpses of that good in this life. But ultimately that good, friends, is an eternity with him for those who put their faith in him.
And that is worth any hardships that this life may bring. And while there are sure to be more hardships on this journey in life... for now... well for now... I’ll be over here practicing this whole wife thing. #soexcited
And in case you’re wondering about this guy I married. Here’s a little peak at his character... I broke his PlayStation and he laughed. #hesakeeper
His daughter is also the best to too. #lovethem
And what is a wedding post without some picture proof… let me officially introduce you to Justin and Lydia.